I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
