I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
