see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
