your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
