You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
