Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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