I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
