ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
