Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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