They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
