he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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