Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
