I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
