You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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