i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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