If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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