Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
