Operation Purity has been aborted
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
