I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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