when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
