I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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