May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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