If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
