Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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