I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
