so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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