I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
