coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
