You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont even know how to be here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
