Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
