She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
