They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
