Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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