My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
3 2 1 whiskey
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
