If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
