i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
