there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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