my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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