There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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