We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
