i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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