Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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