he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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