I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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