I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
