I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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