He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
