So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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