Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
