You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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