Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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