Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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