This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
