Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
