I am puke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
