I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
