Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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