She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
