After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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