then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize