Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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