Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
