my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
